random disclosure thread

Morning Tom .. It's my first experience of this thread, what are the rules .


Trav sent me here claiming he'd beheaded a "Cock" !

You're doing it right! Keep it up

Mark are you on holiday? Is it good?

It's bloody awesome ! Butlins Skegness .. My kids are 6 and 4 so it's perfect for them .. Shaun of Clegg is with me and I think he's after banging himself a young mummy !

Its a bit "Phoenix Nights" and I've seen quite a few if these people on Jeremy Kyle BUT I'm a northern scumbag I'm feeling at home here .

Very good Mark! Wish him luck!



OK so... we have an old heavily medicated on anti depressants man who is a regular customer and we just sent him to the bank to get some change for the till.

He comes back 10 minutes later and shouts out in a shop full of customers:

"THE BANK WAS SHUT, I HAD TO GET IT FROM BIN LADEN INSTEAD!"

and hands over 40 one pound coins.

I asked him what he was talking about and he shouted again

"BIN LADEN, FROM THE PAKI SHOP ON THE CORNER"


There was nothing to do but laugh.

We dug a little bit deeper, and he claims that he calls the poor proprioter of the corner shop "Bin Laden" all the time, and that he has a good sense of humour, so everything is sort of ok, maybe, but probably not.

When I go up to bed I check on the kids every night tuck em in n every now n then while there still asleep I tell em something like "the monkeys are coming!! n there pooing all over the back garden!! Then when they wake I ask em if they have had any monkey or poo related dreams. I change the story from time to time but its always just as obscure!!!

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Another customer....or rather not a customer just some t**t who happened to be in the shop

"Have you interest in..palm reader?"
"...no......."
"I give you information on future life?"
"....no!"

??? Wtf

Tom I'm coming in to stalybridge in a sec I might call in for half a pint of maggots n my future told n pay on card with cash in my hand just to brighten up ur day haha

I look forward to it!

Pick me up a couple of sausage rolls from Gregg's on your way?

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edit: Thanks Trav!

Tom I risked life n limb walking past the piss heads n u had already been!!

I didn't want you to find out, I hoped you'd have read before.....well I ate it anyway and now I'm going to be more massive! I'll bring you a box of Naproxen on Tuesday!