The new plastic £5 note
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| scruffmcbuff |  | ... | 04-12-2016 @ 18:04 |
Lovely ass Congrats. Member 5958, 2315 posts SQ 280, BP 170, DL 300750.0 kgs @ 138kgs UnEq | CAJ said:Someone did the maths: Tallow is rendered cow or mutton fat, but for the sake of argument let's go with cows here. How much do cows weigh? Between 1,100kg for a male (bull) and 720kg for a female. So, on average, a cow weighs 910kg. The body fat content of an average cow is 25 percent. Therefore, the amount of fat in an average cow's body is 227.5kg. How many kilograms of this fat is contained in offcuts you could use to make tallow? About 40kg, according to a man at the James Elliott butcher in Islington. How much tallow is used in one note, according to the Bank of England? "A trace", which chemically means less than 100 parts per million, or 0.01 percent. A polymer consultant I called confirmed that the tallow present in a given polymer would be a fraction of a single percentage. New £5 notes weigh 0.7g, therefore there is roughly 0.00007 g of tallow present in one £5 note. How many fivers are in circulation now, and therefore will be around by May of 2017, when all the old paper ones have been phased out? 329 million notes. To work out how much tallow will be used in total in all of these fivers, we need to multiply 0.00007g by 329 million, which gives us 23,030g, or 23kg. And if you get about 40kg of tallow-worthy fat from the average cow, how many cows would you need to make every single £5 note in circulation? JUST OVER HALF OF ONE COW I especially enjoyed that you contacted relevant and independant specialists in the appropriate fields. If i knew how to imbed images i would embed a screen shot from the film "Good Will Hunting" Specifically the scene where hes stood at the chalk board working out some maths business. As thats how I imagine you worked it out. | ||
| Wayne_Cowdrey | | ... | 04-12-2016 @ 18:20 |
 Still got a little bit of strength Member 400, 22055 posts | I think CAJ was relaying someone else's calculation? This thread reaching 10 pages was unexpected  | ||
| scruffmcbuff | | ... | 04-12-2016 @ 18:27 |
Lovely ass Congrats. Member 5958, 2315 posts SQ 280, BP 170, DL 300750.0 kgs @ 138kgs UnEq | Wayne_Cowdrey said:I think CAJ was relaying someone else's calculation? This thread reaching 10 pages was unexpected Fair enough. who ever did it obviously felt very strongly about it. People are too easily offended! | ||
| Fatpete |  | Here you go | 07-12-2016 @ 15:28 |
 Hyper obese Pete Member 70, 17890 posts SQ 322.5, BP 205, DL 300827.5 kgs @ 133kgs Eq | http://www.bbc.com/news/uk-scotland-south-scotland-38223552 | ||
| The_Lone_Wolf | | ... | 07-12-2016 @ 15:36 |
 I eat a lot of meat Member 5124, 2997 posts SQ 245, BP 130, DL 275650.0 kgs @ 105kgs UnEq | I'm lost for words. | ||
| Wayne_Cowdrey | | ... | 07-12-2016 @ 16:31 |
Still got a little bit of strength Member 400, 22055 posts | I wonder how many vegans would knowingly turn one down. | ||
| John | | ... | 08-12-2016 @ 00:18 |
#biggef Member 5263, 3492 posts SQ 260, BP 195, DL 260715.0 kgs @ 130kgs UnEq | Ok latest news on new fivers.if you find one with miniature art work etched into it ,it could be worth 50k there are 4 in circulation happy hunting. | ||
| matthewvc | | ... | 08-12-2016 @ 00:26 |
 ‘downsizing’ Member 5704, 3230 posts SQ 280, BP 210, DL 320810.0 kgs @ 96.3kgs UnEq | John said:Ok latest news on new fivers.if you find one with miniature art work etched into it ,it could be worth 50k there are 4 in circulation happy hunting. Be interesting if one makes it way in to veggie cafe lol 'i refuse to take this fiver as I'm a militant vegan and the use of animal...er...hang on I've changed my mind' | ||
| John | | ... | 08-12-2016 @ 07:34 |
#biggef Member 5263, 3492 posts SQ 260, BP 195, DL 260715.0 kgs @ 130kgs UnEq | matthewvc said: Be interesting if one makes it way in to veggie cafe lol 'i refuse to take this fiver as I'm a militant vegan and the use of animal...er...hang on I've changed my mind' Lol I bet. | ||
| The_Lone_Wolf | | ... | 16-12-2016 @ 10:04 |
I eat a lot of meat Member 5124, 2997 posts SQ 245, BP 130, DL 275650.0 kgs @ 105kgs UnEq | YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!! | ||
| scruffmcbuff | | ... | 16-12-2016 @ 10:17 |
Lovely ass Congrats. Member 5958, 2315 posts SQ 280, BP 170, DL 300750.0 kgs @ 138kgs UnEq | How did the moment you took ownership of the note feel? | ||
| Wayne_Cowdrey | | ... | 16-12-2016 @ 11:10 |
Still got a little bit of strength Member 400, 22055 posts | YAY!!!!! | ||
| The_Lone_Wolf | | ... | 16-12-2016 @ 12:40 |
I eat a lot of meat Member 5124, 2997 posts SQ 245, BP 130, DL 275650.0 kgs @ 105kgs UnEq | scruffmcbuff said:How did the moment you took ownership of the note feel? Let me tell you, and set the scene... I had to stay on late at work last night, which made me angry like a fat kid standing at the counter at McDonald's when they switched from the breakfast menu, to the lunch time menu and throw away the left over sausage and egg McMuffins at 10:31. I was also very hungry, which only exacerbated the situation. I'd already eaten my 2 emergency flapjacks (One from my work bag, and one from the cars glove box.) So it was fair to say I was close to going nuclear. Waiting around for two contractors to finish their work, and I was twiddling my thumbs thinking of everything I could eat once I got home. At precisely 18:03 I got a txt from my partner asking me to swing via asda on my way home to get some bits. We needed milk, bread, ham, eggs and some squash. A simple list, and one I thought I could complete with minimal fuss, so I txt back saying I accepted the mission. My hunger and rage continued to grow like a Brian Shaw's Insulina usage, but at precisely 18:14 I was informed the contractors had completed their work and I was no longer required on site. I sprung into action like a well oiled machine, and raced to my car like a young John Regis. I was feeling strong and mighty, much like Johns huge robust cranium. The drive to asda was slick, and I managed to navigate through the rush hour traffic with ease. Some time ago, in a charity shop, I found the best of Phil Collins CD, and for the price of 50p sterling, I thought this was incredible value. I had his smash hit song Susudio playing on volume setting 25, and my car was rocking like a swingers caravan during mating season. You can't help but drive like a legend when fueled by hunger and the thought of Patrick Bateman ploughing into two prostitutes whilst admiring his bicep. I made it to asda and found a parking spot right by the entrance. Everything was coming up Millhouse. I strutted into the store and assessed the scene. I headed to the whoops section, where they store the reduced items. I got some chestnut mushrooms on the cheap as they would go nicely with my steak. Then our of the corner of my left eye, I saw hidden at the back, a green labeled meat item. I knew that the green label meant it was lamb, and I thought it would act as a starter to my steak dinner. Without hesitation I swooped, barging a small weak looking man out the way. He looked at me with mild anger, and I let out a belly laugh that even my great friend Kriss Akabusi would be proud of. I then made my way around asda humming the theme tune from Wallace and Gromit. As I carefully dropped the big bottle of vimto into my basket, I noticed the lamb package was damaged. Upon inspection, I saw hole the size of a Mark Felix thumb poke. I decided that I would smell the contents to check for freshness. My nose never lets me down, and despite the barnsley chop looking visually fine, it did indeed smell like a knackers yard. In a fit of rage, I launched the foul smelling chop into the coleslaw section. If things could not get any worse, I then remembered that my partner had my bank card. I checked my wallet to find two crisp looking £20 notes. How quickly ones mood can change when they find out they're a high roller! I suddenly come over all frivolous, and with gay abandon I started putting items in my basket that I didn't actually need. I strolled past the hot counter and saw a fresh, warm, greasy bacon joint bagged up with a yellow reduced sticker. The gay abandon at this point was overwhelming, and with the hunger in my power belly getting worse, I went full on Dale Winton and let out a "That's going right in my basket" comment. I made my way to the self service till, and started scanning items. As I packed the bags, I noticed I was going to go just over £20 on my final bill. I pondered leaving an item behind to save cash, but once it is in my basket I feel like I've already established ownership. With the attitude of leaving no man behind enemy lines, I finalised my scanning and committed to breaking into the 2nd £20 note. With the small talk complete, I inserted my money and grabbed my receipt. The machine churned away like Guinevere on the Saturday night national lottery draw. I turned around to see a woman queuing behind me who can best be described as rotund, with a wonky eye. I turned back and suddenly things went into slow motion, much like the time I ate too many of my brothers cannabis laced chocolate muffins. A sudden surge of blood rushed into my member. No penile injection needed here, unlike Z. Do my eyes deceive me? What is this smooth, shiny looking note that is slowly emerging from the exit hole. I've heard the rumours and seen the footage from Wayne, but so far I've been chasing myths. I turned to the rotund wonky eyed woman and with a look of disbelief on my face, shouted YES directly at her! She looked concerned buy I carried on... 'YES' I shouted again. The gay abandon was flowing, I unleashed a Ric Flair "WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" so loud I felt like the entire store looked over to see what was going on. I grabbed the note and held it up in the air like the bit in Lion King when that cub was born. I felt so many emotions, some bordering on sexual. The wonky eyed chunk at this point had taken her basket to a different till, and I stood feeling majestic holding the elusive plastic £5 note. I grabbed my shopping bags and ran out of Asda engulfed in pure elation! I got into my car and started to caress the note. I filmed a clip and immediately tried to send it to CAJ on Instagram. It failed, but I cared not! I started up my car and opened the windows... I wanted to share my happiness with the world, and drove home singing Phil Collins "In The Air Tonight." The drive home was a blur. All I know is that I beeped my horn a lot like a complete t**t. I got home and told my missus I'd finally got one, her lack of interest disturbed me, so I decided not to share the bacon joint with her. With grease running down my beard from the bacon joint, my beard was all shiny like I'd been motting out a gusher. The smile on my face was intense, and I'd firmly rank yesterday as a good day! I've still not spent the note, as I feel that it must be saved for a special occasion. | ||
| StevenFatty | | ... | 16-12-2016 @ 13:09 |
 My name is Steven , I am a fatty. Member 6048, 393 posts | Dear Lone Wolf. I very much enjoyed your account of the events you experienced. | ||
| Wayne_Cowdrey | | ... | 16-12-2016 @ 13:33 |
Still got a little bit of strength Member 400, 22055 posts | A wonderful account! | ||