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Lot of hate on here lately

little_a		Lot of hate on here lately	05-03-2010 @ 10:07
still a devious weightlifting bastard Member 43, 14379 posts	Go on. Smile The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex. Worried the girl might become pregnant and adversely impact the family's status, she consulted the family doctor. The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. He then told her to arrange for her daughter to be put on birth control and until then, talk to her and give her a box of condoms. Later that evening, as her daughter was preparing for a date, the woman told her about the situation and handed her a box of condoms. The girl burst out laughing and reached over to hug her mother, saying, 'Oh Mom! You don't have to worry about that! I'm dating Susan!' ------------------------------- A man went to church one day and afterward he stopped to shake the preacher's hand. He said, 'Preacher, I'll tell you, that was a damned fine sermon. Damned good!' The preacher said, 'Thank you sir, but I'd rather you didn't use profanity.' The man said, 'I was so damned impressed with that sermon I put five thousand dollars in the offering plate!' The preacher said, 'No s**t?' ------------------------------- Brenda and Steve took their six-year-old son to the doctor. With some hesitation, they explained that although their little angel appeared to be in good health, they were concerned about his rather small penis. After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, 'Just feed him pancakes. That should solve the problem.' The next morning when the boy arrived at breakfast, there was a large stack of warm pancakes in the middle of the table. 'Gee, Mom,' he exclaimed. 'For me?' 'Just take two,' Brenda replied. 'The rest are for your father.' --------------------------------------- One night, an 87-year-old woman came home from Bingo to find her 92-year-old husband in bed with another woman. She became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 20th floor apartment, killing him instantly. Brought before the court, on the charge of murder, she was asked if she had anything to say in her own defense. 'Your Honor,' she began coolly, 'I figured that at 92, if he could screw, he could fly.' --------------------------------------- A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa. 'The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. However, there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have eaten, or will eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?' After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, 'Wedding Cake.' ---------------------------------------- Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25-year-old blonde-haired woman who knocks everyone's socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm and who hangs over Bob's arm and listens intently to his every word. His buddies at the club are all aghast. At the very first chance, they corner him and ask, 'Bob, how'd you get the trophy girlfriend?' Bob replies, 'Girlfriend? She's my wife!' They are knocked over, but continue to ask. 'So, how'd you persuade her to marry you?' 'I lied about my age', Bob replies. 'What, did you tell her you were only 50?' Bob smiles and says, 'No, I told her I was 90.' -------------------------------------- Groups of Americans were traveling by tour bus through Holland. As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of cheese making, explaining that goat's milk was used. She showed the group a lovely hillside where many goats were grazing. 'These' she explained, 'Are the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produce.' She then asked, 'What do you do in America with your old goats?' A spry old gentleman answered, 'They send us on bus tours! ------------------------------------------ Three old Grandmas were sitting on a bench outside a nursing home when a Grandpa walked by. And one of the Grandmas yelled out saying, 'We bet we can tell exactly how old you are.' The old man said, 'There is no way you can guess it, you old fools.' One of the old Grandmas said, 'Sure we can! Just drop your pants and under shorts and we can tell your exact age..' Embarrassed just a little, but anxious to prove they couldn't do it, he dropped his drawers. The Grandmas asked him to first turn around a couple of times and to jump up and down several times. Then they all piped up and said, 'You're 87 years old!' Standing with his pants down around his ankles, the old gent asked, 'How in the world did you guess?' Slapping their knees and grinning from ear to ear, the three old ladies happily yelled in unison - - 'We were at your birthday party yesterday!' ---------------------------------------

LesWiltshire		...	05-03-2010 @ 10:14
bookies have him 2nd for BSM Member 1176, 318 posts	I'm smiling

adamkeep		...	05-03-2010 @ 10:14
a dork Member 1023, 846 posts	You laugh, you lose!

Joni		...	05-03-2010 @ 10:17
left the country satisfied Member 10, 19241 posts SQ 240, BP 150, DL 270 660.0 kgs @ 107kgs UnEq	fk off ct

LesWiltshire		...	05-03-2010 @ 10:19
bookies have him 2nd for BSM Member 1176, 318 posts	That Martin Clunes lookalike has taken 2mins 41 secs of my life which I will never get back!

adamkeep		...	05-03-2010 @ 10:22
a dork Member 1023, 846 posts	LesWiltshire said:That Martin Clunes lookalike has taken 2mins 41 secs of my life which I will never get back! It's insane! At first I thought his face was rubber or something!

PAGAN		...	05-03-2010 @ 11:20
I took about £4 out of Sooty's bottom Member 685, 8719 posts SQ 225, BP 150, DL 290 665.0 kgs @ 93kgs UnEq	An Eskimo is paddling his kayak down a river in Wales. Suddenly his kayak starts to sink. A local who is standing on the riverbank shouts over to him " looks like you have blown a seal" to which the Eskimo replies " f**k you at least I dont shag sheep! "

Rusev		...	05-03-2010 @ 12:46
Can still nail the snatch Member 168, 758 posts SQ 205, BP 90, DL 202.5 497.5 kgs @ 74kgs UnEq	i only smirked does that count

little_a		...	05-03-2010 @ 12:56
still a devious weightlifting bastard Member 43, 14379 posts	Rusev said:i only smirked does that count Are you capable of anything more?

Carl		...	05-03-2010 @ 12:59
Loves rugby league ... Member 13, 14460 posts SQ 230, BP 180.5, DL 262.5 673.0 kgs @ 128kgs UnEq Administrator	Joni said:fk off ct LOOOL

adamkeep		...	05-03-2010 @ 13:02
a dork Member 1023, 846 posts	you laugh you lose!

BigSam		...	05-03-2010 @ 13:03
HORRIBLE MEDLEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 Member 621, 4744 posts SQ 340, BP 220, DL 335 895.0 kgs @ 106kgs Eq	http://www.ezbiodiesel.com/SMILE.jpg

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