Turner says...

Have you noticed that his family are always happy to take him to the gym but never take him home again

Got to Adlington today and was almost immediately set upon by Ste Turner...

"Yaar, ear ee is. Can i have a lift home of ya later? Yaar yer a good un!!"

I told him last week that i dont go home that way anymore, but that means nothing to Ste. He gets himself dropped off and leaves it in the lap of the gods who takes him home. The other night it was Derek, who lives no more than a few hundred yards from the gym and had an 8 mile diversion to drop Ste off. Only Ste could get away with this.

Anyhoo, i take Ste home...Surreal even for the Turnermator, i havent got the energy to recall it all, but he did call me Steve all the way to his house and omitted to tell me that there was road-works near his house that we ended up sat in for 20 minutes!!! Oh and they change his insulin on Friday, have you seen Joe? Not sure what he is stressed about (Phil), Ste's missus, ha haarrr, have you been to Ped's house, ha yaaarr Pedallo, short cut down here (there isn't!), Ped's house, yaaar!!! Smell that bread! Hey hey, reet t'door, good lad!! Me dad's car, har me dad, we buried him next door on Monday, just went t' funeral, that's where we buried ar Jeff, cheers lad.

It then took him 5 minutes to get the boot open to get his bag before he put pb deadlift effort into slamming it shut, which i'm used to hence me putting my fingers in my ears in preparation

I'm really quite glad that I finish training so late. It saves me from this .

I was at Adders early doors yesterday.
Turner arrived and no-one followed him in. As Turner doesn't drive, walk, cycle or understand public transport, I was curious as to how he had got there

"Alright steve, how have you got here"?
"Yar, got here"
"yes, but how did you get here"?
"Yar how did you get here"?
"I know how I got here, I'm asking how you got here"
"What do you mean how did I get here"?
"I mean - how did you get here"?
"Yar, lift, Yar"

I gave Ste a lift home on Monday and was treated to the usual surreal conversation he always delivers, can't remember all of it but highlights were:

"Yar, me sugars ain't too bad, me dad is ok he has more treatment next week, he's off on a holiday, eee how do you like that roofin, he's never done it before, i remember when we lost me brother, yar i'm 12 stone 6 nar, silver he got (Joe i think), yar silver it's better than bronze!!"

Ste has obviously never fought with a phalanx

"Me dad bought a car t'other day. £125"
'I'll chat to you in a minute Ste'
'"Whats on here Andy?"'
'172 Al'
'"Well put some f**kin life into it then"'
"Yarr. Sold it for £200. Come on Andy. Stop beyin soft and ge yon wi yit"

From Friday -
"are you out tonight Pete"
"friday Steve, shagging tonight"
"Yar, tha knows these, tha knows them us tha tha knows"
"know what Steve"
"tha knows these women"
"yes"
"well are they, tha knows, like, in a shed"
"a shed ! Are they bollox in a shed"
"oh reet, well tha knows when tha knows"
"when what Ste"
"when tha mets 'um"
"yes"
"is it in the street"
"No, it isn't in the street"
"No, reet, where then"
"they have an address Steve"
"oh reet, yar, an address, yar reet"

IN A SHED !!!!!!

is Steve implying that you have to pay for it Pete??

I do pay for it. It makes life so much easier, top line sex when you want and no shopping, nagging, putting up shelves are any of that relationship s**t

Nevre thought of it like that...food for thought LOL

brilliant thread this.

I read this at work and was crying with laughter for quite some time. Fortunately I wasn't in a classroom.

We ALL pay for it (except them that dont get any).
Must admit Ped, there are times that I've wished I was you. Not many, but it has happened.

Turner - Mam an dads awaaaay this weekend so I'll be OK fo watchin that thing
AL - Are you getting some birds round then Ste? Have a right good shag fest then cant you?
Turner - Pete wants to sell me some disks fo £250
AL - Get em bought and stick em on while your birds are round at weekend
Turner - I had to take two back to't car boot. One was jumping an t'other wa ra gangsta film
AL - Bet you know some dirty women you dont you Ste?
Turner - Is Jeff down tonight?
AL - Make the most of having the house to yourself Ste
Turner - How's his knee?
AL - Can I come round and do some shaggin with you Ste? You get the gals round and I'll bring the beer
Turner - Vals in. She's brought her medals down
AL - You must know some dirties you Ste? You must be a right shaggin machine
Turner - I'm down wi big Ste
AL - Get a few round and we can pass em round. Get em all sorted.
Turner - Are you training legs?
AL - No mate. I'm going to try some push press's
Turner - Come on then. Get on wi yit
AL - What about the girls this weekend Ste?
Turner - Rum f**ker you Andy. Yarr.

Just read this thread again and found this bit really f**king funny.

There's another classic non sequitur, bloody fantastic.