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» PCT HELP AND GF ADVICE (Go to post)09-09-2016 @ 20:09 
15 minutes in no traffic, once took 95 minutes when the roadworks were at jct 6 (and i had a job interview)
» Last day at work and ACCIDENTALLY left them a present! (Go to post)09-09-2016 @ 17:15 
I used to deliver carpet - and once i got a s**tty address in a residential street in a busy city (not exceptionally unusual, loads of cheap pricks use their garage as a warehouse etc.). When i got there, the guy was not happy - told me i should never go there and why wasn't at his warehouse across town, didn't i know his company, i'll have to go there do i know where it is blah blah.

As it was, i did know where his warehouse was (it was actually a unit at a self storage facility which you had to hassle their guys to open up etc, which i guess is why he used it - free staff). But i took exception to his dickhead attitude - i was there because that was the address he gave for my delivery notes, and i didn't instead twig and go to his usual place because the chippy ar****le didn't use exactly the same business name for his shop and his storage (probably a tax dodging wa**er), and if he knew how many "[abreviation of city name] flooring" companies there were, he'd know why his 2 slightly different company names wouldn't get a second glance from any flooring delivery gimp.

I told him i was there because that was was written on my f**king sheet, and yes i know his warehouse and no, i'm not going there - he would have to wait for it to be redelivered in a few days unless he took it there, at the address he gave. He asked me angrily where exactly he was supposed to put it in his showroom, i told him politely exactly where he could put it and left.

A few days later, i had a delivery to his storage, and again, as any flooring delivery f**k will tell, if there's a small chance you are going to need a s**t that day, you'd better fill the first toilet you find because you don't know when the next chance will come.

And as luck had it, his place had a crapper. Which was obviously about as well-cleaned as you could guess. So i half squatted above until the deed was done, and f**k me if by some absurd biomechanical fluke i hadn't left a massive stripe of s**t from halfway up the bowl to about 4" past the seat! It looked like a horrid toothpaste had been carefully squeezed in place, and unfortunately i had to leave for a timed delivery before i could clean it up! Still keeps me awake at night, worrying about my professional conduct that day 2 years back...
» PCT HELP AND GF ADVICE (Go to post)09-09-2016 @ 16:49 
Post Edited: 09.09.2016 @ 16:50 PM by jwp
How long do you train for and when would it be? If you can make do with a rack in a low garage, you can lift round mine for cheap (buy the wife some wine every once in a while would probably do it)

Edit: basingstoke (brighton hill)
» Read on ebay today (Go to post)27-07-2016 @ 22:02 
A genuine description for a knackered old porshe:

"Truly Hateful Porsche 944 For Sale
Illuminati Owned

"This Car Got Me Sectioned"

Writing from my bed at the Psychiatric Unit, St Mary's Hospital, Southampton, on the advice of my medical consultant I am putting my despised Porsche 944 up for sale.

Why? Well, for starters it's been spreading lies about me on Facebook, saying that since my wife left me my love-life has been reduced to a bottle of 75w-90 semi-synthetic and a gerbil named Keith, which is ridiculous ... I hate semi-synths. And then there's the disobedience ... I'll explain: 

I bought this car last year knowing it needed brakes, clutch adjustment and some general fettling and tidying. But it had good history, including recent belts and tensioners, good miles (137k) and was a reasonable price. 
I had it trailered back and started work, getting my garage to sort the clutch and fit new discs and pads all round. 
My wife was still sore at me for spending the IVF money on the car and garage bills but I was sure a morning spent in the back whilst I threw it through some bends would put her right. Alas, we never got that far. 
I'm not sure if the car refusing to start from cold was a display of jealousy, but it certainly drove a wedge between me and Debbie from that day on. So much so she was completely unsupportive of my subsequent campaign to remedy this cold start issue, flatly refusing to take on any extra cleaning shifts or even to apply for the part-time jobs at McDonalds and Burger King that I circled for her in the back of the newspaper. 

Fast forward two months and Debbie comes home crying. I imagine it's because her arms are hurting from the three mile walk with the groceries (she has a low pain threshold) but I ask her what's up anyway. She tells me. I do the good husband thing, pause the rugby and put the kettle on for her to make herself a cup of tea while I open one of the four-packs she's brought home. I then calmly explain why all the jewellery she inherited from her mother is in Cash Converters window: "Compression Test, Leak Down Test" I start ticking them off on my fingers, "Fuel Pressure Test; Injector Clean and Spray Pattern Test; New Fuel Pump, Fuel Regulator, Fuel Lines and Fuel Filter; Supply Damper; Timing Check and Adjust; DME and Relay Check; New Temp Sensor; Starter Motor Refurb; New Timing Belt and Tensioner, New Thermostat, Electric Fan and Air Auxiliary Valve ... These all cost money, Debbie." 
But it must have been her time of the month because she became very unreasonable, calling me derogatory names and throwing things at me. Then she left. She came back the next day, but only to pack a suitcase. I haven't seen her since. 

I won't bore you with many more details, suffice to say Debbie filed for divorce, clearing the house one Saturday afternoon whilst I was tinkering in the garage, leaving me just a chair and my laptop.

And so my research began: cold start issues on a Porsche 944 2.5 8v. I cross-referenced the work I'd already had done against endless forum postings, occasionally finding a snippet of something sensible, only for the post to deteriorate into irrelevant oily posturing and arguments about the pronunciation of Porsche ... 
Two weeks in and I was none the wiser; in fact I was utterly confused and very nearly broke.

It was a day or two later that I first heard the voices. They were quiet at first, mere whisperings, but they told me things ... They told me that Porsche were run by a secret organisation of hybrid reptilian aliens who wanted to take over the world, and that Leonardo Da Vinci (who was one of them) had designed the first 911 back in 1518 (the year before he died) as a Popemobile. Of course I didn't believe them; I knew Leonardo had died in 1912 when the Titanic sank. 
The voices told me to look at the numbers: 356 + 911 + 914 x 928 + 924 - 944 x 968 + 964 - 993 + 996 - 986 - 987 x 997 x 991 = -1.038049 .... 
I was astonished, there it was, plain as day, it explained everything: Porsche were Illuminati ... confirmed. 

I published my findings immediately on Facebook and Pistonheads and was sectioned by my doctor the next day. 

And so I find myself here, on a narrow bed, with a drug-induced grin in the psychiatric unit of St Mary's Hospital. 
And some friend the car has turned out to be, git hasn't visited me once. I bet it's found the my savings, though, and is blowing them at the Bodyshop as I write, trying to make itself pretty for the next poor fool. Slut! 

There it is, my sad and cautionary tale of an attempt at Porsche 944 ownership. It's cost me £3,000 in parts and labour, plus what I spent on the car originally. It starts and runs fine from warm but is a bugger from cold, and trying to work out what's wrong has driven me mad. It has to be something simple but I've run out of money and sanity to chase after it. There are some small electrical niggles that I haven't attempted yet - indicators, horn, etc - as they weren't a priority, and the windscreen is milky towards the edges. Paint is dull and has rubbed through in a few places. Small area of corrosion around aerial base. Small dent to rear o/s quarter behind arch. Cracked dash. Tyres aren't the best. This is still very much a non MOT'd restoration project.

To summarise, this is what I've had done:

Adjust Clutch
New Discs & Pads
New Fuel Pump
New Fuel Relay
New Fuel Regulator
New Fuel Lines and Fuel Filter
New Supply Damper
New Temp Sensor
Starter Motor Refurb
New Thermostat
New Electric Fan 
New Air Auxiliary Valve
Compression & Leak Down Test 
Fuel Pressure Test
Injector Clean and Spray Pattern Test 
Timing Check and Adjust
DME and Relay Check
New Timing Belt and Tensioners

To be honest I don't want to sell this car at all. I want to push it into a lake, or over a cliff, or open a fuel line and flick a match. Alas, it's one of the conditions I have to meet before they'll discharge me from hospital. They say my selling it will be evidence that I can 'let go responsibly.'

You've been warned.

Oh, forgot to mention that Test-Pilots, Tyre-Kickers and Time-Wasters are most welcome. 

Call me (Robert) on 07803 127613 to discuss the car, or anything else you may be unsure about, ie: Gender, Favourite Colour,  whether or not Darth Vader is your Father ...

Deposit of £100 required within 24hrs of Auction End or I'll offer this heap of junk to someone else and report you to the Pope. 
On 24-Jul-16 at 22:57:22 BST, seller added the following information:

Update: my consultant allowed me to use his computer today to read some of the emails I've been getting about the car. I wasn't too happy with his conditions (it's very sore to sit for long periods now) but he assured me it would be worth it. 
I've had a few suggestions about how to remedy the cold start that I though I'd share:

1: Cold Start Injector ... I didn't know there was one!
2: Remap ECU if it's been changed.
3: Read the car a story. 
4: Replace distributor cap. Is this a bit like putting the cap back on the toothpaste? 
5: Put the car to bed with a blanket. 

To be honest, I'm not interested in starting the malicious git ever again as it'll only get me going again. 

Oh, I forgot to say, Debbie came to visit me today. She'd changed her make-up; her mascara was really neat around her eyes rather than running down her cheeks like she used to wear it. She looked quite decorative, too, almost pretty, though it might have been the drugs. Anyway, she'd come to show me something, she said. 
"What," I asked? 
For some reason she pulled up her jumper to show me her stomach. 
"Jesus, Debbie, you want to slow down on the Doritos," I told her. 
She narrowed her eyes and wiggled a finger at me. It sparkled. 
"Oh, Brilliant," I enthused, "you bought back one of the rings."
She shook her head, which annoyed me as I really hate guessing games. She then went to the door and let in a man. He glowered at me as he entered.
"This is Dean," she said. "We're engaged." Dean affirmed this with a manly nod. Debbie patted her pudding stomach. "And I'm pregnant."
I got quite angry at that. Actually I got really angry at that. The doctor came in. Then two orderlies. They restrained me. They gave me an injection. I started to calm down but it still bugged me to realise that all this time she'd been deceiving me ... someone I'd trusted had been holding out on me. Standing there shameless, with a baby in her belly, it was obvious she'd had enough money for the IVF all along. Selfish b**ch. It just goes to show that you never really know people at all. "

I chuckled somewhat
» Gravity possibly not a constant and deadlift PRs (Go to post)27-07-2016 @ 16:28 
I guess that's why err'body loves the escort mexico then? Reduced gravity at equatorial altitude - has anyone looked into the olympics there HMMMM...

Did anyone hear Phil Collins tell Brian Cox that the moon landings were faked on the radio a few years back by the way? Hilarity.
» XR2... (Go to post)16-06-2016 @ 00:21 
Xr3i then? I had one, it was mega, except all the s**t bits.

Have you considered towing the family behind a single prop plane?
» News From The GBPF EXEC - Suspended Lifters (Go to post)20-05-2016 @ 09:18 
225s 250d. Although in fairness i do think my dead should be up past 275, it just doesn't agree, the lazy f**k.

I would feel like i'm wasting everyone's time turning up to a national meet without totalling at least over 650, like letting palace in the FA cup i guess
» How many people can pull 300kg in the UK + another bullshit question. (Go to post)11-04-2016 @ 22:57 
I've deadlifted close to 260 and my best clean, a power clean at that, is sub 90. Extrapolating these ratios outside of my garage, a brit would have to be deadlifting 530+ to get a 200 clean.
» storm katie (Go to post)29-03-2016 @ 16:52 
A few slats slid down one of my fence panels, took about 2 minutes to fix, and as a brucie bonus there's loads of sludge shot out of all our drainpipes - bit of a free cleanout eh!

Re. Hull: was on my way to the bus station late sunday afternoon about 2002 and there were 2 little kids, about 6-8 years old, hurling a brick at some shop's roll down shutters. In broad daylight, with people heading along the street, no one batting an eyelid.

City of culture lately though isn't it? That 'the deep' must be cracking!
» The overhead starting point. (Go to post)29-03-2016 @ 16:45 
If it's any help, i think after a while of basic heavy volume training, a period of frequency style lifting really helps - ie. once you've built some strength/mass, overhead pressing responds particularly well to doing a good attempt most days; i say this because it seems to be one of those lifts that are influenced by absolutely every little thing, so having 1 day a week where you really push it might not work if that day turns out deemed a bad day by the mayan overhead calendar. Better to have 4+ days so you're more likely to catch when the astronomical alignments are right for overhead. Or maybe it's just a grease-the-groove type thing, who knows? Anyway my overhead press liked, in particular, dan john's even easier strength - it got me over 100 strict and 90x10, when my bench was somewhere around 150.
» Snatch grip deads (Go to post)18-03-2016 @ 08:45 
So they can mangle their thumbs (hooked) on the bit of the bar that hits the pins/safeties and get horrible metal splinters to show off at work. Then justify buying a new bar.
» EU Membership, I don't really understand the full implication. Does anyone? (Go to post)10-03-2016 @ 21:43 
As the sort of sad f**ker who spends significant time listening to radio 4, i feel uniquely qualified to state this:

Nobody knows nothing. For every expert who has looked at some data and said out, another read the data and says in. Everytime a politian or whoever says leaving would mean this, someone opposing that view says the complete opposite. There is literally no knowing, because both sides claim the same result from each choice on every issue, bar 2 - uncontrolled immigration and sovereign rule, both of whichare only ours to control if we left. But even then, whether this is even beneficial to us ultimately is, suprise suprise, up for debate.

You might as well ignore it completely because you'll know just as much yet save so much time and effort for twitter spats and who is number 1 in the pop charts.
» Eddie Hall on BBC 1 Inside Out (Go to post)10-03-2016 @ 21:31 
Won't play for me, but just wikipedia'd him and even those few paragraphs told me something; brings just what overcoming adversity means eh
» Eddie Hall on BBC 1 Inside Out (Go to post)09-03-2016 @ 17:03 
Just a personal opinion, but modern medicine and human physiology are pretty robust; read all those old powerlifters who waddled around at 300+lbs for a decade and only did 3 lifts, for no money and eating only junk food - sure they have problems now but for the most part still lift of a sort and hold down a job. Or all the hacienda pillheads of 20+ years who ate about twice a week and slept just as bad. On a similar vein, how many ww2 POW's became skeletons, smoked 40 a day for 40 years and did no exercise yet still made 80 years old or more?

It might not be ideal but f**k me can people put up with some new level of s**t and not die
» Eddie Hall on BBC 1 Inside Out (Go to post)09-03-2016 @ 08:58 
ChrisMcCarthy said:
Yes, without a doubt you can still be a great player with that physique (I am thinking someone like Kevin Durant) but the trend is certainly towards stronger, more athletic, more visibly muscular players.

I always kinda thought that but for sure it seems America (tm) says you need to be muscular and strong to compete. Which while theoretically true in terms of agility, foot speed and turning mid sprint etc the same is true of football yet there are all kinds of player physiques competing at the top level even now in the post best/gazza nutrition-led training age. It just seems like one way or the other in broadly similar sports (duration, semi contact at best, run around hopefully with a ball and try to make some yards or space... yeah close enough) disregarding height which obviously is way more useful in bball, there seems to be such a disparity in what scouts and teams look for.

Maybe i just need to stop getting most of my nba information from youtube clips and asda shelf librarying muscle and fitness


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